Dude, like really, going to the doctor’s office makes me feel anxious & nervous, even when I have to go in for a routine check-up or for a specific reason; always has, & always will. Going to the dentist’s office also makes me nervous as hell, like, for real, but we’ll get into that some other time. I’ve got a doctor’s appointment scheduled for later this week, you know, before I head on up to Van City, & I’m already feeling the anxiety.
I know that I’m only going to the doctor’s office for a just a follow-up chat with a specialist I’ve already met & talked to before, but it still makes me freak the hell out on the inside. My mind cannot stop thinking about my upcoming appointment, & I’m not liking this one bit. I can’t stop dwelling on this upcoming appointment, feeling terrified of what the doctor may or may not say. I know (in the back of my mind) that I can’t control what the outcome will be after my chat with this specialist doctor, but it worries me to think he might say something that will affect the outcome I would like to achieve.
Once this doctor’s visit is done & over with, I will be able to breath a sigh of relief, & will be able to spend my time in Vancouver with no anxiety looming over my head. I am seriously dreading this appointment, yet I can’t wait to get this over with. I’ve always been a little chicken shit scaredy cat when it comes to things like doctor & dental check-ups. Even when I’m going to get a routine teeth cleaning, I’ll feel nervous & on edge all the way until the dental assistant hands me that little plastic baggie with the travel sized toothpaste & dental floss & tells me I get to choose my own free toothbrush color.
I remember crying so hard as a kid whenever I had to go to the dentist (which was all the time, even though I hardly ate sweets or drank soda). I used to cry so hard when I was little that my mom would often pretend that I wasn’t her child when other parents would glance at her in the waiting room of the dentist’s office. It got so bad that my dentist would have to put me to sleep with laughing gas in order to do something as simple as fill a cavity.
Of course, I’m much better now. At least I don’t cry when I’m in the exam room…but that doesn’t mean that I’m not white-knuckle balling my hands into fists as I wait for my name to be called by the nurse. In my head, I’m counting down the minutes to when I can bolt out the door & run for my life to my car to get the hell out of Dodge. My mind drifts to all of the what-if-shit-goes-horribly-wrong scenarios, & that makes me feel even more anxious & on edge. Then, when I finally finish my appointment with my doctor &/or dentist, that’s when I can finally breathe again. I don’t always leave the doctor’s/dentist’s office feeling like I’m on top of the world, but I feel immensely relieved that I won’t have to see that professional for another few months, & then the anxiety train arrives all over again.
Well, I’m going to try to push myself to think more positively about this upcoming doctor’s visit, but I don’t think I’ll be very successful. Once I start feeling those nervous/anxious emotions, it’s hard to jump off that train. All I can do is hope for the best outcome afterwards. Then it’s off to Van City!! I’m so excited for my trip up north, that it’s almost helping me to forget that I’ve got a not-sos-cary-but-yes-it-is-scary doctor’s appointment coming up. Until then, Cheers!
Today’s song of the day:
Rabbits & Foxes 