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I thought I’d tell you a little story about my life. I was once a long-time friend of a person I should not have kept a relationship with for very long. I met this girl in primary/elementary school, & we became fast friends. From that point on, we were practically inseparable. We both lived on the same street, very close to each other, so that was an advantage to our friendship. Back then, I was an incredibly gullible & naïve kid, also a pushover.

Oh man, this friend got me to do so many stupid things that I absolutely regret & cringe at whenever I think about it. No, she didn’t get me to do dangerous or illegal things, but they were just childish stupid things nonetheless. I had no idea that throughout our friendship she was pushing me around, not in a bullying way but more like in a manipulative way. This girl definitely wore the pants during our best friendship.

I got to know this girl’s entire family when we were friends. She lived with her mom & grandmother just up the street from where I grew up. We were so close as kids that she even invited me to go with her every weekend to visit her terminally ill dad in the nursing home. I was so close in friendship with this girl that I even got to know her extended family (ie. aunts & uncles). Little did I know that throughout our lengthy friendship, this girl had a crush on me, & I sort of had a crush on her mom.

Now, when I say “crush”, I mean she was physically attracted to me, & I idolized her mom. I thought this girl’s mom was super cool. She was a self-professed hippie back in the 60s, complete with a fringe-y vest & flower crown headband. This girl’s mom even claimed that back in the 60s she & her husband would smoke pot (as well as other illicit hallucinogenics) & hang out at their local record store. She worked as a librarian at a local public library near our house. As kid, I wanted to be a librarian stacking books at a library. I thought that was a fun & easy job.

This girl’s mom was super laid back & always very friendly. She was soft spoken & very pretty. She always let us listen to her old vinyl records as long as we put them back after. She had all of the original Beatles records as well as a bunch of other cool ones from the 60s & 70s. I guess I kind of wanted to be like this girl’s mom in a way; a young woman-about-town, living a carefree life, with a simple job, & listens to cool music. This girl’s mom taught me all about music from the 60s & 70s. That’s how I developed my interest in music from that era.

Let’s get back to that “crush” thing I was talking about earlier. I had no idea during our friendship that this girl was attracted to me as more than just a friend. Now, I can’t say that she was in love with me or anything like that, but I can definitely say that when I now look back on our friendship, I can see that she was trying to figure out her questionable sexuality & I was her easy target. I remember one time when I had invited her over for one of our many sleepovers, & just like in that one scene in the 1995 The Brady Bunch movie, she tried to feel me up by putting her hand on my thigh, & multiple times that night she tried to get me to touch her fully clothed crotch. There were also a couple of other times sprinkled throughout our friendship where she tried to get me to touch her crotch. I didn’t notice these signs at the time. I only noticed these red flags long after our friendship had ended.

Geez, there were so many incidents throughout our friendship that should have made me seriously question &/or straight up end our relationship, but I always gave her second chances & benefits of the doubt. I never questioned her when she tried to sabotage my reputation amongst our friend group by spreading hurtful gossip. I didn’t even bat an eye when she had me call the police (in a naïve panic) & make a falsified police report regarding a death threat she received against one of my family members. It wasn’t until we both left for college & she found out I had started dating my first boyfriend.

I guess at the time she couldn’t handle that I was dating, or maybe she had mistakenly thought before that I was a closeted lesbian & was surprised to find out I was dating a male. We hadn’t really kept in touch during the summer before each starting college (or whatever she had planned to do after high school). Then, all of a sudden, during my time out of state for college, she contacts me out of the blue & asks all kinds of strange questions about my then boyfriend. She didn’t ask about me, her longtime childhood friend. She only talked about him & asked questions about him.

I ultimately broke off all contact with this girl when she began asking me if it would be okay if she met up with my boyfriend without me being present. The final nail-in-the-coffin moment in our friendship ending was when she asked me very specifically & strangely if I would mind if she met up with my boyfriend & hung out with him in a hot tub. I knew at the time that my boyfriend lived with his parents & they own a hot tub, which I’ve become well acquainted with on a few dates with him. So, my mind immediately spiraled into a black hole of negative thoughts. I made a huge “how could you hurt me like this?” scene to my boyfriend over email & instant messenger. I was playing sad break-up songs all the time. Then, I cut off all contact with this girl…but only after I cussed her out like I’ve never cussed anyone out before, & in very specific words I told her our friendship was as dead as death himself.

As you can clearly see now, I am no longer with that first boyfriend, & I have had no other contact with this girl from my past. I will give her a lot of credit for shaping my hobbies, interests, & tastes in music, but I no longer look back on our friendship in any positive light. That girl did shake up my life & made it more interesting (not sure if that’s a good or bad thing), & she gave me quite a few unique stories to tell. However, if I could redo our friendship all over again, I would have definitely guarded myself a little more from this girl & not let her get so close to me & my family. I remember her from time-to-time, but I don’t ever think about how she’s doing now or where she lives now. I only ever wonder every once in a while if her dad had ultimately passed on, & what’s her mom up to these days. Her…not at all.

That’s pretty much the end of this story time. Until next time, cheers!

Today’s song of the day:

Ever since I have been spending 99.99% of my time cooped up inside the house with my little bean, I’ve had plenty of time to relax & truly enjoy my nesting time. I have found so much enjoyment & contentment in little random things. For one, I love giving my little bean a bath (she thoroughly enjoys it too), but I have also renewed my love of taking a super hot shower at the end of the day. Washing up & then jumping into bed while you’re still warm from the shower gives me all the happy feels. After that, it’s the little window of time between putting my little bean to bed & myself going to sleep that also gets me excited. It’s that little notch of quiet “me time” that I enjoy, playing games or internet window shopping on my tablet.

Also, with me being the overly-organized person that I am, I am so super duper overjoyed that my daughter is nearly as organized as I am. She likes to stick to her daily routine just as much as I like to build a daily routine for her. Since the day she came home, I’ve been gradually putting her on a fairly regimented routine. Of course at just a few weeks old there is no such thing as a schedule, but by the time she was one-month old, she was already sleeping in her own bassinet & only waking up a few times throughout the night to be fed & have her diaper changed. My little bean is now 5 months old & she sleeps all by herself in her own crib in her own room. Not only that, she sleeps all the way through the entire night until morning. She rarely wakes up in the middle of the night to be fed or have her diaper changed. See folks, it’s never too early to sleep train the babes. I’ve even trained my little bean to take naps at certain times throughout the day. She pretty much fell into a natural schedule where she also eats at around the same time every day. This has just made my daily schedule so much more organized…& also made my life easier (& more predictable too).

Taking my little bean on little outings, like to our socially distanced COVID-safe shopping mall every once in a while has also been fun. She’s only really fussed once or twice out of the few of times we’ve taken her to go out with us. It’s been fun taking her on these outings, training her to get used to loud noises as well as the hustle & bustle of the city. The only difficult part about taking my little bean out is when we have to pack up her diaper bag, a bottle of formula, & all of her stroller accessories. Jian & I try to adhere to the “less is more” approach, but alas my over-preparedness traits take over, & I end up packing too many little things for all the emergency scenarios I can think of just to go on a short trip to the local shopping mall. It’s also sort of fun to get lots of attention when people see us with our little bean. The other day Jian took us out to the big city to go window shopping & have a special lunch away from home, & everyone at the restaurant was so interested in getting to know our little bean. I kind of felt like a rock star mom for getting so much attention.

One other thing that I have been personally enjoying lately is quite weird & boring, but I love doing it nonetheless. I have really been enjoying brushing my tongue whenever I brush my teeth, so much so that it’s become almost like scrubbing my tongue extra clean with my toothbrush. I know this is a silly thing to get so excited about, but I do have a pet peeve about people with bad breath. I also have a slight paranoia about people thinking that my breath smells bad. So I make sure that I spend a little extra time brushing my tongue after each time I brush my teeth. It not only gives me that fresh breath & clean mouth feeling, but it also kind of makes me feel like I am massaging my tongue to prevent getting those pesky little white cold sores that pop up from time-to-time, & irritates every time my tongue rubs the inside of my mouth. I feel happy just thinking about it.

Next, it’s almost springtime & we are finally getting the winter-type weather we should have gotten during the actual winter season. The temperatures have been quite chilly, but not cold, & we’ve been getting some rain showers on-&-off in our area. As I have said numerous times before, I love rainy weather, & this time I get to share this experience with my little bean. Of course, as with all other babes, she doesn’t like it when it rains while she’s trying to sleep. The rain keeps her up at night. However, during the day, she’s a real trooper & can sleep through just about any noise. It was raining on & off all day yesterday, & I was really enjoying the soothing sounds & watching the rain drip drop off of the awning overhang in the courtyard of my house. Oh man, I wish we could have gotten more rain this past season so we could avoid a potential drought in our area, but it looks like this summer there’s going to be a whole lot less toilet flushing & shorter showers.

Well, that’s a few of the new things that I’ve really been paying attention to & loving recently. It’s truly amazing & blows my mind seeing my little bean progress & develop more every single day. I swear she is super intuitive & advanced for a babe her age. She is ultimately the light of my life, & I better finish this post before she wakes up from her nap again. Until the next nap…I mean post…cheers all!

Today’s song of the day

Why didn’t anyone tell me that I’d lose my hair after pooping out a tiny human from my lady vag?! Well, to be fair, no one told me I’d grow luscious, luxurious, thick hair during my pregnancy either. None of the resources I scoured online ever mentioned anything about a woman’s hair journey before, during, or after making a tiny little human beeen.

Oh yeah, when I was nesting during my baby bump phase, I had the most luxurious, thick, long AF hair. It was glorious! I had the long ‘as fuuh’ length of hair I’ve always wanted, with little-to-no shedding/fallout. I went from consistently washing my hair every other day, to washing my hair every three to four days per week. My one & only major issue was having lots of dry & crispy split-ends. I could rub an entire bottle of conditioner into my hair, slather on the most expensive hair mask, drench my hair in styling oils, & it’d still be dry & frizzy.

Then, just before I was set to evict my tiny little beeen from its rent-free downtown studio apartment, I went to my favorite salon to get my hair cut. It wasn’t just because I needed to weed-whack all the dead split-ends, but also everyone around me was trying (unsuccessfully) to scare me with the whole “babies love to pull your hair” spiel. Sure I felt a few pounds lighter upstairs, but damn, I was seriously mourning the loss of the super long length I’ve been working so hard for the past 10 years to grow.

So, it’s no wonder that I wasn’t aware that my hair would shed dramatically after popping out my tiny human. I had no idea that because of my hormonal changes during the baby bump phase my hair would grow more & faster than normal. Then, BAM! Your hormones change again after the tiny human is removed from your body & you end up going in the opposite direction. Your hair begins to shed like mad, & there’s nothing you can do about it except wait it out. Supposedly, after you’ve reached the 6 month mark of motherhood, your hair should get back to its regularly scheduled program & behave normally (like it did pre-preggs).

I was freaking out after my tiny beeen came into this world & saw my hair falling out in mass quantities. I mean, I was (& still am) shedding more hair in a day than a shaggy dog does. Now that I’ve done some internet research & found out that this massive hair loss is extremely typical & to be expected for new moms, I am a little less freaked out about feeling/noticing my hair thinning out now. So, I’m just supposed to wait until my tiny beeen turns 6 months old, then most likely by that time my hair hormones will have calmed down, & my hair can go back to shedding its usual amount per day instead of fist fulls. Until then, let me direct you to a very helpful website that gave me a ton of new insight & reassurance regarding my damn crazy hair loss.

Man, if only I could show you the huge clumps of hair that knot-up my hair brush in the morning. Or if I could show you how many strands shake free & fall to the floor every morning when I get out of bed & push my crazy hair out of my face. I swear I vacuum my bedroom at least three times a day…NOT PER WEEK…PER DAY!! Now I’m getting signalled by my little beeen & Jian, telling me that it’s time to produce more milk from my teats via my fancy-schmancy electric pump. Until next time, cheers!

Today’s song of the day:


June 2021

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