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What the fuck is wrong with me? I keep telling myself over & over & over again that I should quit watching all those mind-numbing, life-draining, dumb reality TV shows on the Bravo network. I probably tell myself this at least 3 to 4 times per day. As I am scrolling through the endless list of channels & programming, I always end up at the Bravo network, at first thinking I’ll leave a show on making mindless background noise while I am doing other things, then ending up completely engrossed in the episode, being hooked on the entire season of the show.
I don’t want to be hooked on all of these random reality shows, but Bravo has a way of grabbing me with their talons & not letting go. I can’t even begin to understand how or why I get so hooked on a show that I will end up watching the entire season, so laser focused on all the details of all the puffed-up, phony drama & “family” in-fighting.
I wish I could quit, just like an ex-smoker to cigarettes. I don’t even remotely relate to, or like any of the cast members of these shows. It kills me a little more each time I turn on my TV knowing I’ll end up watching one of their shows, which will only increase their ratings & boost their popularity, which will keep them on air for far longer than they should be.
I hate the fact that I watch almost all of the Real Housewives franchises. I also dabble in a few of the Below Deck franchises from time to time. I also am extremely mad at myself for knowing who Lisa Vanderpimp is & all of her oversexed restaurant staff. And, yes, I have been keeping up with all of the Kyle-Amanda-West romance fallout from Summer House. Ugh 😩
Please, I need help to kick this bad habit of defaulting to stupid reality shows when I can’t find anything new to watch. I want to forget all of these people’s names & faces, & all of their shitty drama. I should get my drama fix by watching real & actual drama unfold on the nightly national news. These reality shows do not add any value to my life, & what really sucks is I’m probably not going to stop watching, & I have nobody in my life I can talk to about it. 😔
Until the next episode, cheers.
Song of the day:
Write about your first name: its meaning, significance, etymology, etc.
I once had to write a short essay in my high school Spanish class about how my parents chose my given name & why, then read the story aloud to the class. So, I asked my dad who was sitting at his home office desk after dinner, how he chose my name. & why.
I should preface this by saying my dad was under the influence of a few glasses of post-dinner vodka. Yup, my dad was not quite sober when I decided to ask him a very serious question for my school homework assignment.
I couldn’t believe how he could try to keep a straight face while giving me a completely bullshit answer. As I kept asking him if what he was saying was the truth, he started cracking up. What was the story he made up about the origin of my name? Well let me tell you it was weird.
Let me start by saying if you’ve been paying attention to my username/handle, & you know an intermediate amount of Japanese vocabulary, then you can pretty much guess what my name is (or at least half of it). So, my name sounds like a Spanish name, but my family has no ties to any sort of Spanish culture or ethnicity. My entire family tree is as oriental as you can get. However, when my dad immigrated to the United States, he landed in San Antonio, Texas & immediately fell in love with Tex-Mex culture. That’s probably the real reason he chose a Spanish-sounding name for me. The story he told me?
Well, well, well. My dad (who had been a banker his entire professional career), told me that the first known lesbian he ever worked with had that first name. He went on to say he greatly admired that coworker (but did not elaborate on why), & that he liked the sound of her name, so he chose it for my name when I was born.
No matter how many times I asked him to tell me the truth, he stuck to that story. I even asked my mom if she knew why my given name was chosen, & she had no clue whatsoever. All she could say was that she let my dad pick my name at birth. I don’t know why I never questioned my dad again about it. Was it pure laziness on my part? Most likely. Was it a bullshit story made up by a man whose liver was soaked in a potato-based alcohol? Absolutely.
I ended up using that story for my homework assignment, but I embellished the story a little bit, mostly to fit the length requirement of the essay. I don’t remember what I wrote or what I ended up saying in front of my classmates, but I do remember my utter embarrassment in having to use that as my name origin story.
My dad has been out of the picture for 14 years now. So, I guess I will never know the true story of how I got my given name. That’s ok, though. I have kind of grown into liking my dad’s made-up farce of a backstory. It’s quirky, & that’s kind of cool. That’s all. Until the next one, cheers.
Song of the day:
A Daruma doll (達磨) is a hollow, round, Japanese traditional doll modeled after Bodhidharma, the founder of the Zen tradition of Buddhism. These dolls, though typically red and depicting the Indian monk, Bodhidharma, vary greatly in color and design depending on region and artist. Though considered a toy by some, Daruma has a design that is rich in symbolism and is regarded more as a talisman of good luck to the Japanese. Daruma dolls are seen as a symbol of perseverance and good luck, making them a popular gift of encouragement. The doll has also been commercialized by many Buddhist temples to use alongside the setting of goals. (Courtesy of Wikipedia)
I have always loved Daruma dolls & truly believe in their symbolism. The first time I had ever decided to use Daruma dolls to set a goal was when I planning my pregnancy. Jian & I had purchased 3 miniature Daruma dolls from our favorite Japanese clothing & lifestyle brand BEAMS, long before I had ever decided to try to get pregnant. We had originally planned to keep them as display collectibles. It wasn’t until I started my IVF journey, when I decided to use those Daruma dolls to set my pregnancy goals (& perhaps make a wish or two). For each of the dolls I had set very intentional goals. After those three goals had been met, I knew the Daruma dolls held a great significance and meaning within my personal journey.
Jian & I have taken our daughter on many short-term localized vacations, road trips, airplane trips, but we’ve never actually prepared ourselves to take her on an 11-hour plane ride across the Pacific ocean until last year. We had also not taken a long-form trip like this since before the COVID pandemic happened, & I wanted to take extra precautions to make sure good fortune & good planning were on our side. I know I am sounding very superstitious here, but I wanted to cover all my bases on the ‘luck’ front.
This is when I thought of my miniature Daruma dolls sitting on a display shelf in Jian’s home office. At first I thought of getting a Daruma doll just for the fun of it and not trying to take it too seriously. I wrote down a few wishes I had regarding our trip on a small piece of paper. I folded it up and placed it under the Daruma doll (after drawing the first eye, of course).
I wasn’t sure if this was just a silly little ritual that you do symbolically, or if it was the real deal. I had to wait until the end of our trip to determine its legitimacy. As you can see where I’m leading with this, it was a triumph! All of my wishes had been fulfilled. Just so you know, I didn’t write down any outrageous wishes or anything like that, only simple things like: a smooth flight, make lots of core memories, don’t get sick during the trip, etcetera.
This is the part where I tell you about the tradition that started forming in my head. I had decided from that trip on, that I would get a new Daruma doll for every major family trip. It was from that point on, I had become a true believer in the power of the Daruma doll.
This coming Spring, in a few weeks actually, we are taking our little bean to Japan again. This time we are tagging along with our best friends and their family (our friends, their 2 kids, 2 grandparents). Our friends haven’t been on a proper, long-form vacation in nearly a decade, & they felt that now was their time to go. They invited us to go with them, & we made the impulse decision to tag along.
We had originally planned to take only one overseas vacation this year, taking our little bean to China for the first time to meet her other relatives. However, with the current currency exchange rate being so favorable to us here in the U.S., & we are still riding the high of our last trip to Japan (even though that was 2 years ago), we leapt at the chance of going back there. Plus, Jian has always wanted to experience Japan in the Spring when the famous cherry blossoms are in bloom & seasonal allergies are running rampant.
I have continued my new found tradition & recently bought two new Daruma dolls: one black (to ward off bad luck), & one red (to promote good luck). Since we are traveling with a larger group this time around, I wanted to make sure I stacked the deck in the good luck department. I am hoping (& praying) this new tradition I’ve started is successful once again. I will try to report my results upon our return.
This all may sound like silly superstition & childish games, but it is fun to have something positive to look forward to & a solid goal to reach for. Besides, this is just for me & not for everyone. So that’s that. Until the next one, 乾杯。
Today’s song of the day:
Rabbits & Foxes 
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