Why didn’t anyone tell me that I’d lose my hair after pooping out a tiny human from my lady vag?! Well, to be fair, no one told me I’d grow luscious, luxurious, thick hair during my pregnancy either. None of the resources I scoured online ever mentioned anything about a woman’s hair journey before, during, or after making a tiny little human beeen.

Oh yeah, when I was nesting during my baby bump phase, I had the most luxurious, thick, long AF hair. It was glorious! I had the long ‘as fuuh’ length of hair I’ve always wanted, with little-to-no shedding/fallout. I went from consistently washing my hair every other day, to washing my hair every three to four days per week. My one & only major issue was having lots of dry & crispy split-ends. I could rub an entire bottle of conditioner into my hair, slather on the most expensive hair mask, drench my hair in styling oils, & it’d still be dry & frizzy.

Then, just before I was set to evict my tiny little beeen from its rent-free downtown studio apartment, I went to my favorite salon to get my hair cut. It wasn’t just because I needed to weed-whack all the dead split-ends, but also everyone around me was trying (unsuccessfully) to scare me with the whole “babies love to pull your hair” spiel. Sure I felt a few pounds lighter upstairs, but damn, I was seriously mourning the loss of the super long length I’ve been working so hard for the past 10 years to grow.

So, it’s no wonder that I wasn’t aware that my hair would shed dramatically after popping out my tiny human. I had no idea that because of my hormonal changes during the baby bump phase my hair would grow more & faster than normal. Then, BAM! Your hormones change again after the tiny human is removed from your body & you end up going in the opposite direction. Your hair begins to shed like mad, & there’s nothing you can do about it except wait it out. Supposedly, after you’ve reached the 6 month mark of motherhood, your hair should get back to its regularly scheduled program & behave normally (like it did pre-preggs).

I was freaking out after my tiny beeen came into this world & saw my hair falling out in mass quantities. I mean, I was (& still am) shedding more hair in a day than a shaggy dog does. Now that I’ve done some internet research & found out that this massive hair loss is extremely typical & to be expected for new moms, I am a little less freaked out about feeling/noticing my hair thinning out now. So, I’m just supposed to wait until my tiny beeen turns 6 months old, then most likely by that time my hair hormones will have calmed down, & my hair can go back to shedding its usual amount per day instead of fist fulls. Until then, let me direct you to a very helpful website that gave me a ton of new insight & reassurance regarding my damn crazy hair loss.

Man, if only I could show you the huge clumps of hair that knot-up my hair brush in the morning. Or if I could show you how many strands shake free & fall to the floor every morning when I get out of bed & push my crazy hair out of my face. I swear I vacuum my bedroom at least three times a day…NOT PER WEEK…PER DAY!! Now I’m getting signalled by my little beeen & Jian, telling me that it’s time to produce more milk from my teats via my fancy-schmancy electric pump. Until next time, cheers!

Today’s song of the day: