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Just now I came to the realization that there are things that I do that are so weird. I never would have thought about these things before, but lately I’ve been self-analyzing my personality & just overall examining myself as a whole. I’ve been wondering how these weird behaviors, habits, & actions became an everyday part of my life, & why do I do these things. Ok, I’m not trying to raise any philosophical or psychological debates. I just want to take a deeper look into my self.
01. Of course, if you’ve read my other blog posts, you’d already know that I can’t go to bed/sleep with my bedroom door open. I just can’t stand it if the door is even slightly ajar. No matter how comfortable I am snuggled in bed, or how sleepy (& sometimes drunk) I am, I will dutifully get out bed to close the door. What started as a privacy issue, turned into a security measure, which evolved further into psychological peace of mind.
02. The same goes for my bedroom closet. I’ve got an old fashioned closet with sliding doors, & I can’t sleep if one of the closet doors is open or left slightly ajar. In fact, I can’t stand it whatsoever if the door(s) are not completely closed at all times of the day. If there is even a sliver of the door open, I feel a great urge to close it. I will go out of my way to make sure the closet doors (as well as all other bedroom furniture & fixtures) are neatly placed exactly the way I like it.
03.I don’t know if this is considered “spacing out“, but I tend to block out things around me whenever I am reading a book on my iPad or listening to music (with headphones) on my music player. I mean, I am totally immersed in whatever action I’m doing, & it takes a big commotion to snap me out of my so-called trance. For example, one time I was waiting for Jian to get his haircut, & I was reading a book on my smartphone. I hadn’t even realized that Jian had been calling my name loudly for over five minutes until he walked over to me & shook my shoulder to get my attention. Even the salon receptionist standing next to me was trying to get my attention, but I was so completely immersed in my little bubble.
04. This also happens a lot when I’m at home. Whether I am cooking, ironing clothes, or doing work on the home computer, but especially when I’m cleaning &/or vacuuming the house, it is easy to spook/scare the living bejeezus out of me. I am so “in my zone” that I can almost completely block out what’s going on around me. When somebody at home walks into the room or calls my name, I get so startled that I scream loudly & nearly jump out of my own skin. Jian says this is a bad thing, especially if a predator is trying to harm me. I could easily get ambushed & attacked. Since he planted that dirty little seed in my mind, I’ve been actively trying to rid myself of that habit.
05. One of my biggest pet peeves is stains on clothes. That’s why I keep a stain remover pen in my purse at all times. I hate having stains on my clothes. Once I get a spot on my clothes, I get an overwhelming urge to take off the soiled piece of clothing & wash it immediately, or at least treat the stain. If I’m out of the house, & can’t run to the public restroom to clean the stain, I will feel panicked & will focus all of my attention on the offending stain. I don’t think I would consider myself a germaphobe, but I when I was growing up, my parents instilled in me (or rather drilled into my brain) that a person should be clean & tidy at all times. You don’t have to wear fashionable or designer clothes, but your clothes must at least be clean & well-ironed. No wrinkles or sloppiness allowed.
Oh geez, I am feeling quite drained of energy after writing this blog post. I’m sitting at my local big box coffee shop, & I’ve long since finished my cup of coffee & pastry. I am now off to stock my refrigerator with more beer & gin. Cheers!
Today’s song of the day:
I completely forgot that today was Halloween. I had been thinking about this holiday over the past few days, & I was even debating on wether or not I should wear a costume. One thing leads to another, & the thought had entirely slipped my mind. It wasn’t until I was out spending the day in The City with my mom & Jian that it finally dawned on me. I had seen a few people dressed up in costumes at the barbecue restaurant we ate lunch at. At first I was a little confused, but it slowly crept into my mind that it’s Halloween. All week long, we had been worried that we didn’t stock up on enough candy for the Trick-Or-Treating children in our neighborhood, but we weren’t even home the entire day; so we never even got a chance to pass out a single piece of sugary goodness. It was fun seeing so many little children in The City dressed up in costumes. The best costume I saw was this little girl being pushed by her mom in a stroller. The little girl was dressed as Vanelope von Schweetz from the movie Wreck-It Ralph. Her stroller was decorated to look exactly like the candy race car from the movie, complete with working lights & music that played every time the stroller moved. The mom was dressed as the princess, the dad dressed as Wreck-It Ralph, & the big brother dressed as Fix-It Felix…all characters from the movie. It was so creative.
So, Halloween came & went uneventfully for me. I didn’t get any candy (I don’t really like to eat candy anyway). However, I did get a pair of holiday rock concert tickets. One of my local radio stations puts on an annual winter holiday concert called “Not So Silent Night“. Every year I think about getting tickets, but one of two things always comes up: 1. I don’t want to go by myself & most of my friends flake out on me, or 2. I am not interested in the bands performing. This year, I bit the bullet & bought tickets. I will be going with Jian, & I’m pretty stoked about the band lineup. This will be the second time this year that I will be seeing WEEZER live in concert. I am the most excited about that. There are other bands that I’m also excited to see in concert for the first time, like: Death Cab For Cutie, Chvrches, Bastille, & X Ambassadors. There are two other bands & artists performing at this concert (Silversun Pickups & Halsey), but I’m not interested in seeing them as much as the other bands. I’m still super excited to be going to yet another concert this year. I’m currently trying to convince Jian to go with me to see CAKE in concert for New Year’s Eve. He doesn’t really know much about this band except that their song “Short Skirt /Long Jacket” was used as the theme song for his favorite TV show “Chuck” (starring Zachary Levi).
Ok, so enough about concerts. Let’s talk about pillows! What a great topic, pillows!! Yes, I am pumped up about pillows. I just got a new set of pillows for my bed, & I am so in love with them. Just in this year alone, I’ve probably gone through at least four different pillows. None of them gave me good neck & shoulder support, or kept their generic shape. I was growing increasingly frustrated with my lack of good quality sleep & my stiff neck. That was the case until I found my perfect pillows. These pillows have just the perfect amount of firmness & fluffiness. They retain their shape very well, & they support my neck & shoulders so well. I have been getting such restful nights of sleep that for the past few days I’ve been going to bed early & waking up an hour before my alarm clock rings. My pillows are so comfortable that I have a hard time getting out of bed in the morning because I just want to lay on them a few minutes more. I admit, I am enjoying snuggling my pillows in the morning. They make me so happy. I think I am going to “test” my pillows again…Cheers!
Today’s song of the day:
On an unrelated note, one of my other cousins just got engaged. We’re going to start this post with that, are we? Yes, we are. I hope you remember the cousin I’ve been mentioning who recently got married in Mexico. Well, her baby sister just got engaged to her long-time boyfriend (he’s also her high school sweetheart). That’s all I’m going to say about that.
Now, on to my original topic. I’d like to talk about habits. Weird habits. Good habits. Bad habits. My habits. I have one strange habit; it’s not a crazy one, just strange for the fact that I am a thirty-something adult who still practices this habit.
I CANNOT GO TO BED WITHOUT CLOSING MY BEDROOM DOOR.
There, I confessed it. I can’t sleep at night unless my bedroom door is closed. I know that’s not some bizarre habit or anything to get worked up about, but it’s just something that I’ve been wanting to talk about. I think the reason(s) behind this habit is the weird part. Let’s flash back to my childhood. Dun, dun, dun! When I was a little kid, I had to share a bedroom with my older sister. Our house was designed & built in the Eichler style, so our bedroom had a sliding glass door, which obviously offered NO PRIVACY whatsoever. When my oldest brother moved out to attend college, my sister moved into his former bedroom. I, however, was stuck with the room with the transparent door. I didn’t mind at the time because I was just a little pip squeak who didn’t know any better.
Of course, when I became a teenager & privacy became something desirable, my parents moved my things into my other older brother’s former bedroom, WHICH ACTUALLY HAD A WOODEN DOOR! For quite a while, my parents wouldn’t allow me to keep my door closed. They also changed the doorknob so that it wouldn’t have a lock on it (not that I would ever lock my door). As I grew deeper into my teenage years, I would test my limits by closing my bedroom door for short periods of time, or keep it ajar, promising my parents that I would keep my bedroom door open if I had any friends over. Eventually, it just became a regular occurrence to have my bedroom door closed, & one of my older male cousins came to live with us for a short period of time. That was just one more reason to keep my door closed, I didn’t want him to barge in while I was changing my clothes or something embarrassing.
Even after my cousin moved out of our house & back in with his dad, I kept my bedroom door closed, mostly at night though. I convinced myself that it was to keep out intruders. A simple wooden door obviously wouldn’t deter highly motivated, ambitious &/or particularly aggressive intruders. However, it WOULD (possibly) slow them down while I attempted to escape through my bedroom window. I would tell myself, right before going to bed, that I should close my bedroom door to guard myself from potential burglars or predators. I knew that my flimsy bedroom door could quite easily be busted down or pried open, but at least my door creaked rather noisily (to my advantage), which would alarm me of a potential danger & prompt me to climb out of my bedroom window to avoid any harm as much as possible.
Eventually, this thought morphed into thinking that I should keep my bedroom door closed in order to keep out any unwanted spirits. This was when I was going through my Astrology-magic-witchcraft phase. Also, I was sorting through my thoughts of whether or not I believed in ghosts/spirits/apparitions. And…I had previously watched the movie The Mothman Prophecies (the one with Richard Gere, Debra Messing, & Laura Linney). So, I thought keeping my bedroom door closed would increase my odds of not being possessed or ensnared by any sinister force.
Till this day, I still sleep with my bedroom door closed, mostly out of routine & habit rather than for intruders &/or ghosts. Even if my room is sweltering in the summer heat, I will keep my bedroom door closed at night. I close my door at nig hit without even putting much thought into it. I like the simple sense of privacy as well as the psychological sense of protection it gives to have my bedroom door closed at night. Cheers!
Today’s song of the day:
Rabbits & Foxes 
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