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On an unrelated note, one of my other cousins just got engaged. We’re going to start this post with that, are we? Yes, we are. I hope you remember the cousin I’ve been mentioning who recently got married in Mexico. Well, her baby sister just got engaged to her long-time boyfriend (he’s also her high school sweetheart). That’s all I’m going to say about that.

Now, on to my original topic. I’d like to talk about habits. Weird habits. Good habits. Bad habits. My habits. I have one strange habit; it’s not a crazy one, just strange for the fact that I am a thirty-something adult who still practices this habit.

I CANNOT GO TO BED WITHOUT CLOSING MY BEDROOM DOOR.

There, I confessed it. I can’t sleep at night unless my bedroom door is closed. I know that’s not some bizarre habit or anything to get worked up about, but it’s just something that I’ve been wanting to talk about. I think the reason(s) behind this habit is the weird part. Let’s flash back to my childhood. Dun, dun, dun! When I was a little kid, I had to share a bedroom with my older sister. Our house was designed & built in the Eichler style, so our bedroom had a sliding glass door, which obviously offered NO PRIVACY whatsoever. When my oldest brother moved out to attend college, my sister moved into his former bedroom. I, however, was stuck with the room with the transparent door. I didn’t mind at the time because I was just a little pip squeak who didn’t know any better.

Of course, when I became a teenager & privacy became something desirable, my parents moved my things into my other older brother’s former bedroom, WHICH ACTUALLY HAD A WOODEN DOOR! For quite a while, my parents wouldn’t allow me to keep my door closed. They also changed the doorknob so that it wouldn’t have a lock on it (not that I would ever lock my door). As I grew deeper into my teenage years, I would test my limits by closing my bedroom door for short periods of time, or keep it ajar, promising my parents that I would keep my bedroom door open if I had any friends over. Eventually, it just became a regular occurrence to have my bedroom door closed, & one of my older male cousins came to live with us for a short period of time. That was just one more reason to keep my door closed, I didn’t want him to barge in while I was changing my clothes or something embarrassing.

Even after my cousin moved out of our house & back in with his dad, I kept my bedroom door closed, mostly at night though. I convinced myself that it was to keep out intruders. A simple wooden door obviously wouldn’t deter highly motivated, ambitious &/or particularly aggressive intruders. However, it WOULD (possibly) slow them down while I attempted to escape through my bedroom window. I would tell myself, right before going to bed, that I should close my bedroom door to guard myself from potential burglars or predators. I knew that my flimsy bedroom door could quite easily be busted down or pried open, but at least my door creaked rather noisily (to my advantage), which would alarm me of a potential danger & prompt me to climb out of my bedroom window to avoid any harm as much as possible.

Eventually, this thought morphed into thinking that I should keep my bedroom door closed in order to keep out any unwanted spirits. This was when I was going through my Astrology-magic-witchcraft phase. Also, I was sorting through my thoughts of whether or not I believed in ghosts/spirits/apparitions. And…I had previously watched the movie The Mothman Prophecies (the one with Richard Gere, Debra Messing, & Laura Linney). So, I thought keeping my bedroom door closed would increase my odds of not being possessed or ensnared by any sinister force.

Till this day, I still sleep with my bedroom door closed, mostly out of routine & habit rather than for intruders &/or ghosts. Even if my room is sweltering in the summer heat, I will keep my bedroom door closed at night. I close my door at nig hit without even putting much thought into it. I like the simple sense of privacy as well as the psychological sense of protection it gives to have my bedroom door closed at night. Cheers!

Today’s song of the day:

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This morning, as I was tidying up our bedroom, I decided to take a quick snapshot of the nightstands by our bed. On one side, it looks very plain & boring, while the other side looks cluttered full & “cozy”.

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close to the doorway

This is one side of the bed. It holds practically nothing on top of the nightstand except a lamp, bottle of water, a box of tissues & a small bottle of dry skin lotion. However, trust me when I say that the drawer is full of everything (chargers, glasses, nail clippers, headphones that’s never used…etc.). A laptop & work bag is usually tucked in the nook under the drawer & has a magazine rack tucked to the side to store an iPad & old magazines barely read.

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away from the doorway

This is my side of the bed. It looks cluttered at first glance, but I think it looks cozy. I have everything I could possibly need before I go to bed right at my fingertips! I enjoy reading (casually more than avidly), so I will always have a small stack of magazines & books next to my bed in case I get the sudden urge to read something. My drawer is not nearly as full as you-know-who’s. I’ve got a few essential items tucked away inside (pens, sticky notepad, my cheap Panasonic noise-cancelling headphones, nail clippers, a few dollar store nail files). I also keep my laptop underneath the drawer along with my can’t-live-without laptop cushion. Don’t let all of the stuff on my nightstand fool you. It may look “full”, but it IS organized!!

Being the neat freak that I am, I wouldn’t have it any other way but my way. I keep a lot of things by my bedside because I hate getting out of bed multiple times just to get one thing here & there. I like to sit in bed before I go to sleep & watch TV and/or surf the Internet on my laptop. I always have the habit of doing lots of things just before going to sleep. That’s my time to really relax & unwind.

My bedroom, where I’ve lived out most of my youth, sadly now looks like a ghost town. I am anxious to leave it after 20 years.

The room which I started my youth in, & shared with my older sister, has now become the community computer, ironing board, mom’s extra closet…space.  With a sliding glass door (yes, that was my actual bedroom door) & one sliver of a window, that room had little-to-no privacy or natural light.  When I turned 10, I was visiting my cousins down in Los Angeles, & my parents had decided to convert my older brother’s (which then became my older cousin’s) former room into what is now my bedroom.  I was pleasantly surprised when I came home & all of my stuff had been moved into my semi-new room.  My bedroom had a big window for light, & since I was no longer living directly across from my parents’ bedroom; my room was all the way at the back of the house, I felt like I finally had some privacy.

Now, after 20+ years of occupying this space, shaping it, molding it, decorating it into my little comfort zone… I am more than anxious to give up this space & take all of my crap treasures with me.  At the beginning of February, I will officially relinquish any & all possessive rights to this room.  My personal stamp will be washed away.  No doubt, my parents will convert my room into another guest room (as they’ve already done so with my sister’s former bedroom).  I shall walk away with the most fondest & cherished memories of my life.

It’s hard to let go of the past in order to forge a new future ahead, but one must endure & do what he/she must.

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