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Dude, like really, going to the doctor’s office makes me feel anxious & nervous, even when I have to go in for a routine check-up or for a specific reason; always has, & always will. Going to the dentist’s office also makes me nervous as hell, like, for real, but we’ll get into that some other time. I’ve got a doctor’s appointment scheduled for later this week, you know, before I head on up to Van City, & I’m already feeling the anxiety.
I know that I’m only going to the doctor’s office for a just a follow-up chat with a specialist I’ve already met & talked to before, but it still makes me freak the hell out on the inside. My mind cannot stop thinking about my upcoming appointment, & I’m not liking this one bit. I can’t stop dwelling on this upcoming appointment, feeling terrified of what the doctor may or may not say. I know (in the back of my mind) that I can’t control what the outcome will be after my chat with this specialist doctor, but it worries me to think he might say something that will affect the outcome I would like to achieve.
Once this doctor’s visit is done & over with, I will be able to breath a sigh of relief, & will be able to spend my time in Vancouver with no anxiety looming over my head. I am seriously dreading this appointment, yet I can’t wait to get this over with. I’ve always been a little chicken shit scaredy cat when it comes to things like doctor & dental check-ups. Even when I’m going to get a routine teeth cleaning, I’ll feel nervous & on edge all the way until the dental assistant hands me that little plastic baggie with the travel sized toothpaste & dental floss & tells me I get to choose my own free toothbrush color.
I remember crying so hard as a kid whenever I had to go to the dentist (which was all the time, even though I hardly ate sweets or drank soda). I used to cry so hard when I was little that my mom would often pretend that I wasn’t her child when other parents would glance at her in the waiting room of the dentist’s office. It got so bad that my dentist would have to put me to sleep with laughing gas in order to do something as simple as fill a cavity.
Of course, I’m much better now. At least I don’t cry when I’m in the exam room…but that doesn’t mean that I’m not white-knuckle balling my hands into fists as I wait for my name to be called by the nurse. In my head, I’m counting down the minutes to when I can bolt out the door & run for my life to my car to get the hell out of Dodge. My mind drifts to all of the what-if-shit-goes-horribly-wrong scenarios, & that makes me feel even more anxious & on edge. Then, when I finally finish my appointment with my doctor &/or dentist, that’s when I can finally breathe again. I don’t always leave the doctor’s/dentist’s office feeling like I’m on top of the world, but I feel immensely relieved that I won’t have to see that professional for another few months, & then the anxiety train arrives all over again.
Well, I’m going to try to push myself to think more positively about this upcoming doctor’s visit, but I don’t think I’ll be very successful. Once I start feeling those nervous/anxious emotions, it’s hard to jump off that train. All I can do is hope for the best outcome afterwards. Then it’s off to Van City!! I’m so excited for my trip up north, that it’s almost helping me to forget that I’ve got a not-sos-cary-but-yes-it-is-scary doctor’s appointment coming up. Until then, Cheers!
Today’s song of the day:
It’s like LL Cool J said back in the 80’s: “I’m going back to Cali, Cali, Cali Vancouver, Vancouver, Vancouver…”. Or like what Notorious B.I.G. said back in the 90’s: “I’m going going, back back, to Cali Cali Vancouver Vancouver…”. Yes, folks. I’ll be traveling yet again. It almost feels like I’m never settled down in one place lately. If I’m not traveling, then I’m always hosting visiting family members at home. There is never a dull moment in my life, & I’m so extremely appreciative/grateful/thankful of every aspect, every facet, everything.
Truth be told, Jian is heading to Vancouver for a week-long business trip, & he invited me to tag along. I accepted his invitation, of course, but also suggested that we invite my mom to tag along with us. Jian agreed with my suggestion wholeheartedly. As a matter of fact, Jian enjoys traveling with my mom every now & again. We once tagged along with my mom on a trip to Washington D.C. where she was invited to a family friend’s wedding, & the three of us had the time of our lives despite the wet weather. My mom & I are super excited to be visiting Vancouver once again. Jian, not as much…because of his work obligations. [Insert laugh track here.] My mom hasn’t visited the lovely country of Canada in several years. The last time she traveled there was to attend one of my dad’s high school reunions of all of his foreign-born-Japan-schooled classmates. The last time I visited the North, was almost 25 years ago. I was barely a teenager when I visited Vancouver with my parents & younger cousin for the first time.
I’m really, genuinely excited to be traveling to Vancouver once again, but one thing worries me: the shopping! I don’t want to go all the way to Vancouver & come back with another giant haul of stationery & office supply goods. I can’t believe I’m actually saying this out loud, but I’m getting a little weary of my ever-growing mountain of stationery goods. It’s kind of becoming overwhelming, & I barely have time to use everything. I’ve got quite a few items, in their original packaging, that have not even had the seal broken or even seen the light of day. The KonMari guru Marie Kondo would not be happy with me right now. I’m actually quite embarrassed myself, but I’ll live with it.
Jian has already been on a few business trips to Vancouver, & sometimes he says the food there is positively delicious. Other times he says the food sceen is mediocre (like how he described the food in London). I plan on proving Jian wrong, just like I did about the food we ate in London, which was incredible by the way. I’m planning on stuffing myself silly with good food, scrumptious cocktails, & piping hot drip coffee. (OK, I’m officially making myself hungry as I type this paragraph.)
Spending quality time with my mom is also a bonus. We are definitely going to have a blast together (mom’s Sciatica be damned!). But until our trip, Cheers!
Today’s song of the day:
After being severely ill (unfortunately after Christmas, I got the flu virus that everyone’s passing around these days), & getting through the new year, I’ve decided to gather all of my random thoughts, ideas, & other bits & bobs floating around in my head. This idea suddenly came to me the other day after I had dreamt two very bizarre & completely unrelated dreams. Here goes nothing.
1.) This thought has been stuck in my brain for a long time now, & I’m finally going to express it here. You know that song by Demi Lovato called SorryNotSorry? Well, I get the generic meaning of the song, you know, all about empowerment & not letting haters bring you down & all that good stuff. Well, every single time I hear that song on the radio, which is about 80 times a day, I can’t help but feel like this song is misinterpreting it’s own meaning. What I’m trying to say, to put it bluntly, is that I think this song is openly & arrogantly bragging about how much better you are than all your haters. Dude, there’s no subtle way to insert a “humble brag”. Bragging is in no way humble (or acceptable). To me, this song is just one long, public Cuss You to some bro you dated who disrespected your relationship, so you had to kick him to the curb, & then publicly shame him with your arrogant, pretentious lyrics. If you’re going to prove to someone or a group of haters that you’re doing better than they expected, or that you actually came out on top in the end, then show them! You don’t need to write an entire brag song about how much better off you are. Prove it with your results, your actions, & most importantly, don’t throw it in their faces & rub it in. Now that also just proves that you’re not actually better off, & that you’re stooping to their level, which I hope you vowed you’d never do. I can’t wait until this song finally loses its popularity & we can get better music on the radio.
2.) I have come to the conclusion that I could never own a pet. Don’t get me wrong. I love animals. However, I don’t feel any sort of emotional attachment to any particular animals. I’m not a cat person, nor am I Team Dog. Some of my relatives have dogs. I have a few friends who own both dogs & cats. They’re all great pets, well behaved & fun to play with, but it doesn’t make me have any feelings of wanting a pet of my own. I just can’t imagine myself getting so emotionally attached to a pet, or spending so much money on one animal. I can get by on financing my own human lifestyle. I can’t imagine the cost of having a pet (toys, food, medical, etc.). Pets are fun to play with, it I don’t want one for myself. This past weekend I saw all the fuss & complicated plans my friends went through with taking care of their dogs just to be able to go to a rock concert for one night. With all of the traveling that I do, I don’t think a pet would fit into my life. Jian constantly jokes about getting a dog, but when I remind him of how much work goes into caring for a pet, he immediately backs off of the subject. So, in the end, no pets for me.
3.) I have become irrationally infatuated with a popular UK actor. My fascination with this actor has become almost to the point of unhealthy & obsessive. This actor is currently making his rounds on all of the media outlets (magazine articles, talk show interviews, press tour Q&A’s). His most anticipated movie is premiering this weekend. I have been ardently following stalking his press tour on the internet lately, & the more I get to know this actor, the more endearing & attractive he becomes to me. I wish I could just let him go or better yet, block him from my mind. He’s just another incredibly good-looking Hollywood star. These types of guys are splashed all over the entertainment media news all the time. However, I am way too attracted to him. It only bums me out that this guy is very happily married to someone else with a growing family. I want him to be happy, of course, but my inner fangirl is both jealous & envious of the woman who holds his heart all to herself. I hope that once all the hoopla surrounding this guy’s highly anticipated movie dies down…like after the movie has been released…I can take a step away from his fandom & take a much needed breath/break. It’s kind of naiive & stupid of me to say this because as much as I try to take a step away from this actor’s fandom, I get thrust right back into the thick of it. Last weekend when I was in Los Angeles to watch The Killers in concert, I ran into this very actor while we were both eating at the same Italian restaurant. I spotted him having dinner with his wife & his agent a couple of short tables diagonally across from mine. I was of course fangirling & freaking out on the inside, but trying to act discreet & polite on the outside. Out of respect for this man, I did not take any stealthy ninja-like photos under the table with my smartphone. I did not approach him for an autograph or small talk. I very much kept to myself & observed him having a very animated yet quiet dinner with his dining companions as mentioned previously. As much as the crazy fangirl inside of me wanted him to notice me &/or pay any attention to me, I let him carry on with his life, & I carried on with mine…all the while, ogling this man from afar in a sort of non-discreet fashion.
4.) Speaking of fandoms, I have just secured my forever fandom of the rock band The Killers. I just went to one of their arena tour concerts, & it was one of the most memorable highlights of my concert-going experiences. I’ve already seen The Killers perform in concert 3 other times, & they were always in smaller concert venues. This time Jian & I made a weekend trip down to Los Angeles to see them perform at the Staples Center (where the Lakers play basketball). Man, oh man! I screamed & sang my lungs/heart out. I was buzzing with anticipation for this concert ever since I bought my ticket. It wasn’t only because we were going to see The Killers live, but we were also going to the concert with our best friends who have never been to a single music concert in their lives. They had no idea of the epic-ness that was about to blow their minds away. The four of us had the best time singing along & dancing in our seats. One thing I can definitely say about Brandon Flowers, the lead singer & co-founder of the band, is that he is a true showman with an incredible voice & vocal range. I guess that the Las Vegan in him. I mean, he is from fabulous Las Vegas, Nevada after all, & when The Killers celebrated the grand reopening of the newly renovated convention center in Las Vegas, Brandon walked on to the stage with two glammed-up showgirls on each arm. The band (at the time, consisting of only 2 original members & new back-up members) was so amazing to their fans. The biggest highlight of the concert was when they invited a teenage fan in the audience to come on to the stage to perform a song with them. That teenage girl totally killed it on the drums to the song “For Reasons Unknown”. The whole crowd was going nuts for this fan who got a once-in-a-lifetime experience with a seriously cool, caring, & heartwarming band. I will always remain a diehard fan of The Killers.
5.) While we’re on the subject of music & bands, I just wanted to make a note that I have become obsessed with the band Portugal. The Man! This band has captured my heart (& my listening ears). I love how all of the band members grew up together since their high school days living in Alaska. When being interviewed, the band often mentions that their parents were all supportive of them all being in a band together, & their parents encouraged their musical aspirations. It’s not only that their songs have catchy melodies & hooks, but their song lyrics are so incredible & creative. I love how the band writes songs about their families, historical & current social issues, & about this current generation of millennials. Some of my favorite songs include:
6. I’m so pumped up for this 2018 Winter Olympics!! I love watching the Olympics every time they’re broadcast on TV. I love the winter games more than the summer games, but my most favorite part is the opening ceremonies. I love seeing what each host city will create to showcase their city & country. Every time a new city is announced as the host city, I get super excited for the next Olympics. I am the most excited for the 2020 Tokyo Summer Olympics, & I am hoping that I can arrage it so that I can actually be in Tokyo during that time…like try to stay with my cousins or some friends, but we’ll see. Until then, I’m going to enjoy these winter games in South Korea. I’m off to watch the opening ceremonies on TV now. Cheers!
Today’s song of the day:
Rabbits & Foxes 
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