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Well, a lot has happened in the past couple of months that I haven’t had the time to talk about in this blog. It has taken me nearly three months to finally pull myself together & sit down to write. I have quite a few things to tell you all. I don’t even know where to begin, & I don’t want to ramble on & on. So here I go.

I guess I will start at the top of my list of topics, which will be last year’s Christmas holiday. It was a very jam-packed holiday break, most likely the busiest Christmas break I have ever experienced. My grand-uncle (grandmother’s youngest brother) celebrated his 90th birthday with a grand banquet celebration. Nearly every single family member from my mom’s side of my family all descended upon the San Francisco Bay Area for the first time in decades. Being surrounded by all of my relatives, & especially my first cousins whom I’m becoming even closer to, was a blast. It was just a shame that my niece & nephew couldn’t be there & get to know their own cousins from their generation.

Christmas itself was pretty much the same as every other year, with the exception of my niece & nephew (yet again). Things between this side of the family & their side of the family have become extremely tense in the recent months. It’s not something I want to open up about at this time, but I will say that that particular situation is what caused me to make a firm New Year’s resolution about being mindful, patient, & careful of what comes out of my mouth.

Then right after Christmas, Jian & I celebrated the new year together. We got tickets to see Portugal. The Man in concert on New Year’s Eve, & we had the best time celebrating together even though we both were recovering from severe colds. Oh man, it was a real huge bummer when everybody in our household got a cold right before the new year. We were all sniffling, sneezing, & trying to relieve our runny, drippy noses as well as fighting off a nasty coughing spell.

Nevertheless, Jian & I had a great time at the concert. We were super excited to finally be able to watch Portugal. The Man live in concert for the first time, & were even more excited that another one of the bands we liked, Chicano Batman, was going to be the opening act that night. Though we were bummed that Chicano Batman didn’t end up performing our favorite song & their most popular song on the radio “Friendship Is A Small Boat In The Storm“.

When P.TM came on stage to perform, we were already in the dancing mood. We were each wearing our free paper party hats (courtesy of the venue) & getting super pumped up to sing along to our favorite songs. We loved that this band invited a local American First Nations tribe to perform a ceremonial chant before their set performance (as they do before every one of their concerts). However, we did not love the smoke machine they used on stage. That smoke machine was incredibly annoying, & whoever decided to place the smoke machine directly in front of the lead singer(s) wasn’t thinking practically, or even thinking at all! That stupid smoke machine created so much smoke that it completely engulfed the main band members at the front of the stage & you could hardly see anything happening on the stage because of that stupid machine. It was both annoying & distracting. In between songs, when the smoke machine was turned off, that’s about the only time you could actually see the lead singer John Gourley.

It was weird that the smoke machine was only directed towards the front corner of the stage where the main microphones were staged. The smoke did not even reach the rest of the stage, so the smoke was very concentrated to only one side of the stage. The funny thing that happened at the concert though, was when it came time to count down to the new year & the venue was preparing to drop a ton of balloons from the ceiling. Because the band had this crazy laser light show background, the laser lights would pop the balloons as they fell from the ceiling, making an extremely loud popping noise. People were also purposely throwing balloons into the laser lights just to pop the other balloons. By the time the concert was over, the 300+ balloons were whittled down to approximately 10 or so.

There was one couple sitting next to us where the wife slept through the entire concert. As soon as she sat down in her seat, she made herself comfortable & proceeded to take a nap. The husband went out to get drinks, which the woman never touched, & sat in his seat the entire time just bobbing his head once in a while.  Then right before the countdown to the new year, the husband woke the wife up & they both walked out of the venue. Neither of them seemed happy, nor happy to be there. We still had a memorable concert experience that night.

Shortly after ringing in the new year, one of my cousins hosted her 21st birthday party in Las Vegas. All of the aunts, uncles, & cousins gathered to celebrate our cousin’s milestone birthday, & boy was it a memorable weekend celebration! We all had such a blast spending time together as one big happy family, & I was especially happy to spend time with a cousin I consider to be like my little sister. Oh, I think now would be a good time to let you in on a little secret about my extended family. They love going to Las Vegas, & they love to gamble…but mostly they love to eat, drink & be merry.  My relatives go to Las Vegas at least 4 or 5 times a year, & they really know how to show you a good time when you visit there.

Here comes the final part of this post. This is the real reason why I have been M.I.A. from this blog for the past couple of months. I have been seeing a fertility doctor for a majority of the past two months. I’ve been going through a complicated medication routine/schedule, getting blood tests nearly every other day, getting exams from my doctor. It’s been a very busy time for me personally. All of this back-&-forth to & from the doctor’s clinic has been wearing me out, & on top of that, I recently had to be put on another strict medication regimen where I have to get a long needle shot in my butt. Yes, I said butt! But this is all worth it because I just found out some exciting & positive news that I have successfully procreated (with the help of medical science). I don’t want to talk about it too much in this blog post, but let’s just say that I am both elated & scared shitless (which is totally normal), & that’s all I’m going to say on this subject. I do not want to turn this site into another mommy blog.

I hope all of this reading hasn’t worn you out. Until next time, cheers!

Today’s song of the day:

full of twists and turns

May is shaping up to be an interesting month. I cannot believe the turn of events my life has taken within these past two years. I never in my life thought that I would be talking about this, but this is an extremely personal (& I feel is a very private) topic that I rarely ever address/talk about. From the time I was a small child all the way up to my adulthood, I’ve never considered myself to be very motherly, or carry any sort of maternal drive. I’ve always emphatically proclaimed that I would never ever, ever want to have children.

Of course watching the movie “Knocked Up” starring actors Katherine HeiglSeth Rogen really solidified that statement for me even more. I mean, the way that movie vividly, graphically, & accurately, portrayed childbirth really scared me shitless, & basically reaffirmed my choice not to have children. I know I shouldn’t base such a monumental, life-changing decision from what I see in those overblown, Hollywood movies, but I was already on the “not-gonna-happen” train, & it was barrelling down the tracks at full speed.

However, all of those lofty declarations came crashing down these past two years, & I’ve been taking the steps to procreate. I strongly dislike talking about my body, my health, or talking about women’s issues (like having a baby). It makes me feel extremely uncomfortable. When my older cousin (who is one year older than me) was going through her process of procreating, she kept asking me questions about whether or not I was planning on procreating anytime soon, & if so, which steps would I be taking to become pregnant. That conversation made me so visibly uncomfortable, I had to get up & walk away from the table. That’s how uncomfortable I get when asked about such a subject.

So it boils down to this. I am trying to have a baby. I’ve been taking the necessary steps to procreate, & I am actually getting excited (albeit, also extremely nervous at the same time). I just know in my heart of hearts that Jian will be a good dad (kind of weird too, but still great). As for myself, I think I’ll make it out alright (hopefully, I’ve got my fingers crossed). I’m also super lucky & fortunate to have my mom living with me, so I’m definitely going to be relying a lot on her past experiences, sage wisdom, & helpful advice. We’ll see how things turn out in the near future. Until then, cheers baby!

Today’s song of the day:

img_5180March was simply a crazy month. A lot of things happened. I re-visited Vancouver, BC for the first time in over 25+ years. I’ve been helping my mom deal with her sciatica. My just-entered-university cousin came to stay for her spring break holiday. Also, other, more heartbreaking family events happened (within a span of one week). The month of March went by in a blur, & now it’s already April. I don’t even want to think about this month, my upcoming birthday, or spring. I still wish it was winter, where I could layer my pea coats & scarves over my warm sweaters, but I now have to take out my short sleeved t-shirts from storage, & start showing off my flabby, out-of-shape arms. (Nobody wants to see that, especially myself).

I already wrote at length how my trip to Vancouver went, so I’m not going to go into too much detail here, but needless to say, I can’t wait until I get to visit Vancity again. I had so much fun with my mom, but I can’t wait until the next time when I get to explore the city all by myself. I quite enjoy sitting at a café &/or coffee shop by myself with my tablet, & spend a good portion of the day sipping coffee, reading, & people watching.

buffalo check moutains

In other happy news, I’m going to another music concert! I’m super excited to be going to see Nathaniel Rateliff & the Night Sweats in concert as the headlining band. I saw NRATNS perform live once before, but they only played a short set, as they were one out of two bands opening for Kings of Leon. I had bought tickets for that concert thinking that I would get to see a full set performed by NRATNS, but alas, they were only one of two opening acts that night. I was extremely pumped up when I saw an app notification that this very band was going to be traveling on tour for their newly released album Tearing At The Seams. I grabbed Jian by the shoulders & begged him to go to this concert with me. He was reluctant at first, since he was waffling back & forth on whether or not he should go chase down Arctic Monkeys (who are currently gearing up for a new album & possible album tour in the near future by appearing at all the music festivals) at the Firefly Festival in Dover, DE or at the Hollywood Forever Cemetery. In the end, Jian decided to spend his birthday with me watching NRATNS perform all their greatest hits like: S.O.B., You Worry Me, I need Never Get Old, Hey Mama, & Howling At Nothing. I can’t wait to bust out my NRATNS band t-shirt & a worn-in denim jacket, grab a whiskey libation in the VIP lounge (yes, we shelled out a little more buckaroos for VIP tickets because we’re extra like that, & we like clean, private bathrooms) & rock out to one of my all-time favorite rock bands.

Nathaniel Rateliff and the Night Sweats9A

Aside from all of that, I had a cousin stay at my place this past week for her Spring Break holiday. This cousin that came to visit & I are very close in relationship (even though we are not close in age whatsoever), & I was so surprised & touched that she asked to spend her precious break time from university at my house. I mean, this is my cousin’s first official Spring Break holiday as a university student, & I was kind of expecting her to want to spend that time with her friends, or with her new (& first) boyfriend, or at least go home, be lazy, & veg out on the couch. She stayed for the week, & we had a blast together soaking up the beautiful weather, playing board games in the evenings, & just spending quality time having heart-to-heart chats about life, school, & love. I feel like I’ve learned so much more about my cousin & how much she’s evolved, more so than maturing because she’s always been extremely mature for her age, so I don’t doubt her existing maturity (or young wisdom) at all. It was so much fun, & I do hope that my cousin takes up my invitation of visiting my place again but with her boyfriend next time.

In more somber news, major events happened over the last half of the month that were just extremely tragic & upsetting. Everything happened practically within the span of one week. I’m not going to go into any details, to respect the privacy of those closest to me who are directly involved, but I can only say that it is extremely difficult to process sudden loss. I know this from first-hand experience, which is something I don’t wish on anybody. Seeing the people most closest to me going through such a difficult time in their lives only brings back my memories of what I’ve gone through in my own life & with my family. I think a lot about my dad & his side of the family, about how my dad came from a large family, & now only approximately 1/3rd of the family remains. My grandparents & their generation: long gone. My uncles & aunts: gone, all of them. My dad: now going on the 6th anniversary of his passing. All that’s left are the spouses who married into the family, & their children from my generation. I do have a few nephews & nieces from the next generation, but our family tree has been greatly reduced. I can only offer my utmost support to those in my life who are experiencing loss at a time like this. Our circumstances aren’t exactly the same, but I can offer my own version of care & support.

I think I’m going to end my blog post here because I don’t want to get into too much sad detail. Even after all this time, it’s hard for me to wrap my head around all of this, & it makes me think of my dad’s situation all over again. Until next time, cheers.

Today’s song of the day:

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