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full of twists and turns

May is shaping up to be an interesting month. I cannot believe the turn of events my life has taken within these past two years. I never in my life thought that I would be talking about this, but this is an extremely personal (& I feel is a very private) topic that I rarely ever address/talk about. From the time I was a small child all the way up to my adulthood, I’ve never considered myself to be very motherly, or carry any sort of maternal drive. I’ve always emphatically proclaimed that I would never ever, ever want to have children.

Of course watching the movie “Knocked Up” starring actors Katherine HeiglSeth Rogen really solidified that statement for me even more. I mean, the way that movie vividly, graphically, & accurately, portrayed childbirth really scared me shitless, & basically reaffirmed my choice not to have children. I know I shouldn’t base such a monumental, life-changing decision from what I see in those overblown, Hollywood movies, but I was already on the “not-gonna-happen” train, & it was barrelling down the tracks at full speed.

However, all of those lofty declarations came crashing down these past two years, & I’ve been taking the steps to procreate. I strongly dislike talking about my body, my health, or talking about women’s issues (like having a baby). It makes me feel extremely uncomfortable. When my older cousin (who is one year older than me) was going through her process of procreating, she kept asking me questions about whether or not I was planning on procreating anytime soon, & if so, which steps would I be taking to become pregnant. That conversation made me so visibly uncomfortable, I had to get up & walk away from the table. That’s how uncomfortable I get when asked about such a subject.

So it boils down to this. I am trying to have a baby. I’ve been taking the necessary steps to procreate, & I am actually getting excited (albeit, also extremely nervous at the same time). I just know in my heart of hearts that Jian will be a good dad (kind of weird too, but still great). As for myself, I think I’ll make it out alright (hopefully, I’ve got my fingers crossed). I’m also super lucky & fortunate to have my mom living with me, so I’m definitely going to be relying a lot on her past experiences, sage wisdom, & helpful advice. We’ll see how things turn out in the near future. Until then, cheers baby!

Today’s song of the day:

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Good, hot, black coffee. ☕️ . . . . . . . . . . #BlackCoffee #good #hot #beverage #coffee #CuppaJoe #cafe #caffeine #delicious #EditedByMe #JustForFun #ILoveCoffee #CoffeesOfInstagram #DrinksOfInstagram #DamnFineCoffee #TrackName #SongTitle #MTBRD #Chillhop #ChillhopMusic #LoFiHipHop #chill #LoFiBeats #music #InShotApp @chillhopmusic @inshot.app @mtbrd
Break time is for doughnuts and milk in a classic retro Sesame Street mug from the 1980s. 🥛🍩 . . . . . . . . . . #BreakTime #HappyHour #doughnuts #donuts #OriginalGlaze #glazed #milk #IceColdMilk #SesameStreet #VintageMug #classic #retro #MyCupIsFromThe80s #80sThrowbackCup #KrispyKreme #ComfortFood #snack #delicious #nostalgia #FeelLikeAKidAgain #SweetTreat #SoSatisfying #FoodsOfInstagram #Instafood #SnacksOfInstagram #SweetsOfInstagram #LineCamera #FoodieApp @linecamera_official @foodieapp.official @krispykreme
I might be late, but in the spirit of Father’s Day, this is my tribute to my dad. This was his favorite shoe horn that I remember from my early childhood. I used to play with it all the time even though my parents told me not to. Not to prove how small/short I was/still am, I used to pretend that this was my cane that I used to walk around with. I loved the dog carved on the handle & pretended that it was my pet dog (like the talking bird umbrella from Mary Poppins). This shoe horn is a symbol of my father & a lasting memory I will always cherish. 🐕 👞 🎺 . . . . . . . . . . #ShoeHorn #OldRelic #vintage #retro #StillFashion #memories #nostalgia #FathersDay #ChildhoodMemories #HandCarved #wood #shell #dog #dad #father #childhood #HappyFathersDay #TheyDontMakeThemLikeThisAnymore #FoodieApp #LineCamera @linecamera_official @foodieapp.official
I am very happy at this hour. 🍹 . . . . . . . . . . #ChefsGinJams #GinJams #cocktail #drink #gin #lemon #tonic #PineappleJam #pineapple #jam #garnish #HappyHour #WeekendMode #FridayFunday #Cockscomb #SF #SoMa #CityLife #CityLiving #SummerVibes #InHonorOfAnthonyBourdain #LetsHaveAnother #DrinksOfInstagram #LineCamera #FoodieApp @cockscombsf @linecamera_official @foodieapp.official
Some food for comfort from home. 🍛 . . . . . . . . . . #ハヤシライス #HayashiRice #FavoriteDish #rice #MushroomAndBeefSauce #AlmostStew #delicious #flavor #CityLife #CityLiving #lunch #Usagi #ウサギ #洋食 #DTSM #FoodsOfInstagram #DoingItForTheGram #LineCamera #FoodieApp @foodieapp.official @linecamera_official @usagi_yoshoku
It’s not a proper Instagram without a glamour shot of delicious food. 🦆 . . . . . . . . . . #duck #HalfOrder #meat #game #NotAGoose #DuckDuckGoose #delicious #flavor #HappyHour #drinks #FavoriteDish #DoingItForTheGram #GlamourShot #Instagram #Instaphoto #FoodsOfInstagram #CityLife #CityLiving #TheMorrisSF #SF #LineCamera #FoodieApp @themorris_sf @linecamera_official @foodieapp.official

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