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This year I am going to make a New Year’s resolution, & I am going to try extra hard to stick to it. I only have one thing on my resolution & that is to loosen up my grip & my tight control over the caregiving of my little bean. This mostly means that I must worry less about my external family members meddling offering help in my role as a parent (i.e. pushing unsolicited advice, comparisons to other babies within our family, or any minor criticism). Since having a baby, I have had this nagging feeling in the back of my mind that the matriarch of my family is trying to push me out of my little bean’s life & take over as the primary caregiver. I really, really, really need to stop hyper focusing on this matriarch & just be the best parent to the little bean as I can be, in my own way.
I am a controlling person in my personal life, but I am actively working on loosening the reins in my life. I put this quote as my smartphone background wallpaper that says, “Don’t try to control the uncontrollable.” I think about this quote often, & sometimes I will abide by this quote, but I have been known to slip up very often & revert back to my OCD behaviors of micromanaging everything, especially in my little bean’s life. I have taken small strides these past couple of months in small ways. I talk to myself, inside my head, but also sometimes under my breath in a mumbled voice. I send myself verbal reminders. Often times I have resorted to immediately turning around & walk out of the room so I as not give myself reason(s) to nit-pick on trivial things. Other times, I will try to just go with the flow & deal with the aftermath later. Or I will force myself to mentally brush off any immediate jerk reactions/feelings. Jian also often pulls me aside to remind me that I am reverting back to my old habits, help me calm my internal discomfort, & help get some logic back into my senses.
Last year (I can’t believe I can say that now), our little trio took a second road trip to Las Vegas again to visit my oldest brother & sister-in-law right after Christmas…like, immediately…on Boxing Day. Our annual family tradition, per my late father’s request, is that no matter what our family would be together at our home (which is still the childhood home where most of us were born & raised) for the Christmas holiday. It didn’t matter what it took, we must all be together, & that was something that my dad adamantly stood by.
This past year was the very first time my brother & his family couldn’t come back to home base, but we were able to turn our holiday event into two separate events, & that ended up being more meaningful to us. Spending exclusive time with my big brother & sister-in-law has always been fun & meaningful, & this past Christmas break was just so memorable. Unfortunately, my little bean wasn’t able to spend the holidays with both of her older cousins (my brother’s two daughters) due to scheduling conflicts, but she did get to spend time with one of her cousins & also her two favorite dogs.
Visiting my brother & his family at their new place in Las Vegas doesn’t really feel like we are “in Vegas”. Even though we can spot random gambling places all over town, we still feel very far removed from the glitzy, touristy Vegas Strip. It’s so much fun discovering new places to eat & explore whenever we head over to my brother’s new place. We can’t wait until the next chance to visit his family again.
Oh my God, I am extremely excited that 2 sets of my closest friends are expecting babies of their own. Well, by the time you are reading this post, one set of my friends have already delivered their baby & are safely nestled at home with their menagerie of furry pets. The other set of friends are still waiting on their labor & delivery due date, so the circle of our friends are all collectively cheering them on from the sidelines. I, myself, am the happiest of them all. Not only does my little bean get to have new friends to play & grow up with, but I won’t feel so isolated in my immediate friend group by being the only mother to a young child.
I do have other friends who are already parents of much older children than my own, but in terms of my immediate circle of friends, Jian & I have been the only parents so far with a child under toddler age. Now Jian’s best friend & his wife (both of whom are extremely close friends of ours) have just welcomed their own little bean, a girl in fact. We just video chatted with our friends last night, & so far they have perfectly settled right in to being new parents.
We both could not be more happy for all of our friends, both of whom supposedly have similar delivery due dates (& are both expecting girls). Our little tight-knit friend group is now expanding into the next generation. It will be so exciting to see how all of our children will grow up together & interact with each other. I am curious to see how my little bean will take the lead as the oldest child in her group. She is bossy, so showing the other kids how to do things will be her specialty.
Since we are on the topic of children, my little bean attended her very first official children’s birthday party two weekends ago. This marked the first actual time she’s been around a large group of children near her age. My little bean has spent time with her first cousins, but none of them are close enough in age that they can interact easily with each other.
One of my friends & his wife hosted a birthday party for their 2-year old daughter at a public park, & there sure were a lot of kids at the party. My little bean was incredibly nervous & shy in the beginning, but then again, so were the other kids. Most of the kids at the party were born during the full-blown pandemic lockdown days (as was my little bean), so this was the most public interaction any of the kids have gotten so far.
A lot of the other kids were happily running around & playing games, but my little bean just wanted to stay close to mama & papa. It was a fun & festive party & a great way for our little bean to experience an event with kids her own age. It also gave Jian & myself a taste of what lies in our foreseeable future… a lot of tired parents huddled around the adult drinks station, while all the kids run around in controlled chaos, hyped up from eating too many sugary snacks. That is one thing I am not looking forward to.
This coming weekend, Jian is taking me & the little bean on a little 2-day road trip to Monterey Bay. We are all really excited to have this little family getaway after my mom’s extravagant birthday week, this past week, where so many people came to visit & celebrate my mom’s 76th birthday. My mom’s sister came to visit for the week. My brother came up for a few days, sans his newly-introduced girlfriend. Then, my sister & her whole brood popped by for a quick weekend jetset, which was great for the rest of us because we can only take being around my sister & her new husband in small doses. My mom had the time of her life being surrounded by the people closest to her & celebrating with her.
This quick weekend road trip will be a great break away from the grand matriarch, & it will also be a good time to get some fresh air & spend some quality family time out of the house with our little bean. Plus, it’ll be a good break for Jian before he starts his new job working for a subsidiary company under the Amazon corporate umbrella. I have been looking forward to this mini vacation all week. Our packing is all done & we are ready to go! Until next time, cheers everyone!
Today’s song of the day:
Ever since I have been spending 99.99% of my time cooped up inside the house with my little bean, I’ve had plenty of time to relax & truly enjoy my nesting time. I have found so much enjoyment & contentment in little random things. For one, I love giving my little bean a bath (she thoroughly enjoys it too), but I have also renewed my love of taking a super hot shower at the end of the day. Washing up & then jumping into bed while you’re still warm from the shower gives me all the happy feels. After that, it’s the little window of time between putting my little bean to bed & myself going to sleep that also gets me excited. It’s that little notch of quiet “me time” that I enjoy, playing games or internet window shopping on my tablet.
Also, with me being the overly-organized person that I am, I am so super duper overjoyed that my daughter is nearly as organized as I am. She likes to stick to her daily routine just as much as I like to build a daily routine for her. Since the day she came home, I’ve been gradually putting her on a fairly regimented routine. Of course at just a few weeks old there is no such thing as a schedule, but by the time she was one-month old, she was already sleeping in her own bassinet & only waking up a few times throughout the night to be fed & have her diaper changed. My little bean is now 5 months old & she sleeps all by herself in her own crib in her own room. Not only that, she sleeps all the way through the entire night until morning. She rarely wakes up in the middle of the night to be fed or have her diaper changed. See folks, it’s never too early to sleep train the babes. I’ve even trained my little bean to take naps at certain times throughout the day. She pretty much fell into a natural schedule where she also eats at around the same time every day. This has just made my daily schedule so much more organized…& also made my life easier (& more predictable too).
Taking my little bean on little outings, like to our socially distanced COVID-safe shopping mall every once in a while has also been fun. She’s only really fussed once or twice out of the few of times we’ve taken her to go out with us. It’s been fun taking her on these outings, training her to get used to loud noises as well as the hustle & bustle of the city. The only difficult part about taking my little bean out is when we have to pack up her diaper bag, a bottle of formula, & all of her stroller accessories. Jian & I try to adhere to the “less is more” approach, but alas my over-preparedness traits take over, & I end up packing too many little things for all the emergency scenarios I can think of just to go on a short trip to the local shopping mall. It’s also sort of fun to get lots of attention when people see us with our little bean. The other day Jian took us out to the big city to go window shopping & have a special lunch away from home, & everyone at the restaurant was so interested in getting to know our little bean. I kind of felt like a rock star mom for getting so much attention.
One other thing that I have been personally enjoying lately is quite weird & boring, but I love doing it nonetheless. I have really been enjoying brushing my tongue whenever I brush my teeth, so much so that it’s become almost like scrubbing my tongue extra clean with my toothbrush. I know this is a silly thing to get so excited about, but I do have a pet peeve about people with bad breath. I also have a slight paranoia about people thinking that my breath smells bad. So I make sure that I spend a little extra time brushing my tongue after each time I brush my teeth. It not only gives me that fresh breath & clean mouth feeling, but it also kind of makes me feel like I am massaging my tongue to prevent getting those pesky little white cold sores that pop up from time-to-time, & irritates every time my tongue rubs the inside of my mouth. I feel happy just thinking about it.
Next, it’s almost springtime & we are finally getting the winter-type weather we should have gotten during the actual winter season. The temperatures have been quite chilly, but not cold, & we’ve been getting some rain showers on-&-off in our area. As I have said numerous times before, I love rainy weather, & this time I get to share this experience with my little bean. Of course, as with all other babes, she doesn’t like it when it rains while she’s trying to sleep. The rain keeps her up at night. However, during the day, she’s a real trooper & can sleep through just about any noise. It was raining on & off all day yesterday, & I was really enjoying the soothing sounds & watching the rain drip drop off of the awning overhang in the courtyard of my house. Oh man, I wish we could have gotten more rain this past season so we could avoid a potential drought in our area, but it looks like this summer there’s going to be a whole lot less toilet flushing & shorter showers.
Well, that’s a few of the new things that I’ve really been paying attention to & loving recently. It’s truly amazing & blows my mind seeing my little bean progress & develop more every single day. I swear she is super intuitive & advanced for a babe her age. She is ultimately the light of my life, & I better finish this post before she wakes up from her nap again. Until the next nap…I mean post…cheers all!
Today’s song of the day
Why didn’t anyone tell me that I’d lose my hair after pooping out a tiny human from my lady vag?! Well, to be fair, no one told me I’d grow luscious, luxurious, thick hair during my pregnancy either. None of the resources I scoured online ever mentioned anything about a woman’s hair journey before, during, or after making a tiny little human beeen.
Oh yeah, when I was nesting during my baby bump phase, I had the most luxurious, thick, long AF hair. It was glorious! I had the long ‘as fuuh’ length of hair I’ve always wanted, with little-to-no shedding/fallout. I went from consistently washing my hair every other day, to washing my hair every three to four days per week. My one & only major issue was having lots of dry & crispy split-ends. I could rub an entire bottle of conditioner into my hair, slather on the most expensive hair mask, drench my hair in styling oils, & it’d still be dry & frizzy.
Then, just before I was set to evict my tiny little beeen from its rent-free downtown studio apartment, I went to my favorite salon to get my hair cut. It wasn’t just because I needed to weed-whack all the dead split-ends, but also everyone around me was trying (unsuccessfully) to scare me with the whole “babies love to pull your hair” spiel. Sure I felt a few pounds lighter upstairs, but damn, I was seriously mourning the loss of the super long length I’ve been working so hard for the past 10 years to grow.
So, it’s no wonder that I wasn’t aware that my hair would shed dramatically after popping out my tiny human. I had no idea that because of my hormonal changes during the baby bump phase my hair would grow more & faster than normal. Then, BAM! Your hormones change again after the tiny human is removed from your body & you end up going in the opposite direction. Your hair begins to shed like mad, & there’s nothing you can do about it except wait it out. Supposedly, after you’ve reached the 6 month mark of motherhood, your hair should get back to its regularly scheduled program & behave normally (like it did pre-preggs).
I was freaking out after my tiny beeen came into this world & saw my hair falling out in mass quantities. I mean, I was (& still am) shedding more hair in a day than a shaggy dog does. Now that I’ve done some internet research & found out that this massive hair loss is extremely typical & to be expected for new moms, I am a little less freaked out about feeling/noticing my hair thinning out now. So, I’m just supposed to wait until my tiny beeen turns 6 months old, then most likely by that time my hair hormones will have calmed down, & my hair can go back to shedding its usual amount per day instead of fist fulls. Until then, let me direct you to a very helpful website that gave me a ton of new insight & reassurance regarding my damn crazy hair loss.
Man, if only I could show you the huge clumps of hair that knot-up my hair brush in the morning. Or if I could show you how many strands shake free & fall to the floor every morning when I get out of bed & push my crazy hair out of my face. I swear I vacuum my bedroom at least three times a day…NOT PER WEEK…PER DAY!! Now I’m getting signalled by my little beeen & Jian, telling me that it’s time to produce more milk from my teats via my fancy-schmancy electric pump. Until next time, cheers!
Today’s song of the day:
Rabbits & Foxes 
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